City of HELL, oops I meant HULL of course – awarded “City of Culture” status 2013

Over-flowing WHEELIE-BINS add so much charm to OB-City streets

OB-CITIES – CRAP CITIES UNFIT FOR PURPOSE

Birmingham, Britain’s un-lovely “2nd city” – although it could be any of many “Crap Cities”

OBeCities – where millions of mutually suspicious strangers can live next door for years without knowing each other by name.  The bigger the city, the more anonymous, and more wary of his/her erstwhile “fellow citizens”.   People are more friendly when there are strong social rules, and when they are not anonymous – for example when attending a convention wearing an ID tag.  It is pretentious to describe amorphous conglomerations of strangers as “communities” as if they are some kind of extended family.   OTOH, when the media talks about “close-knit” communities what they really mean is “self-segregated ethnic enclaves”.  

HOW TO RECOGNISE A CRAP CITY.. 

CONCRETE CITY

barren, bleak, desolate, dreary, derelict, grim
brutally bare concrete overpasses and putrid pedestrian underpasses stinking of urine and fear

CHAOTIC CITY

anarchic, haphazard, disorganised, muddled
streetscapes littered with bollards, traffic lights, flashing lights, warning signs, direction signs, name signs, advertising signs, lighting poles, telephone poles, electricity poles, cellphone towers, parking meters, speed-humps, white lines, yellow lines, red lines, broken lines, double lines, zig-zag lines, criss-cross lines, the list goes on…  

SCRUFFY CITY

seedy, shabby, tacky, decrepit, dingy, grubby, sleazy, squalid
graffiti-covered walls, peeling advertising posters, boarded-up shops, broken pavements, unkempt grass verges, untidy & littered “green spaces”.

RUBBISH-STREWN CITY

dog mess, chewing gum, fag-ends, discarded drink cans, fast-food containers, plastic bags flying in the wind, parades of overflowing wheelie bins

DEPRESSING CITY

dismal, dis-heartening, dispiriting, gloomy, miserable, bleak – Car Yards, Strip-malls, Retail Parks, and Franchise Food McShacks, all surrounded by bleak puddle-filled parking lots.  

NOISY CITY

tyres screeching, horns honking, amplifiers booming, car doors slamming, sirens wailing, motorbikes roaring, burglar alarms jangling, home-renovators hammering, etc.

TIME WASTING CITY

long slow frustrating journeys to work, and having to negotiate miles of congested traffic in order to visit friends and relatives 

LOUT CITY

foul-mouthed drunken yobbos, scruffily-dressed slobs 

LACK OF DIGNITY CITY

 slovenly dressed, heavily-tattoed, semi-naked obese slobs 

FAT & UNHEALTHY CITY

 ever-growing ranks of unfit, unhealthy looking, heavily-tattooed, and semi-incapacitated obese youths riding electric mobility-scooters

TRIBAL CITY

heavily-tattooed, body-pierced weirdos flaunting “tribal” insignia.

TOUT CITY

scroungers, beggars, loafers, rough-sleepers, rasping in-your-face “Big-Issue” sellers

NOISY NEIGHBOUR CITY

blaring “music”, shrieking children, screaming mothers, heated arguments, fighting, sounds of breaking glass 

VANDALISM CITY

 graffiti-sprayed walls, vandalised phone booths, ATM’s, etc.

THIEF CITY

pick-pockets, car thieves, house burglars, motorbike muggers

FEARFUL CITY

High walls, razor wire, electric fences, boom gates, security cameras, alarms.

LACK OF PRIVACY CITY

 neighbours windows looking directly into yours,   

BREATHALYSER CITY

 the cheerless role of ‘designated driver’ imposed by breathalyzer-phobia. 

ABSENTEE-OWNER CITY

 non-communities full of 2nd/3rd home-owners

BUREAUCRATIC CITY

faceless armies of petty bureaucrats imposing endless nanny-state regulations 

POLITICALLY-CORRECT CITY

just everywhere 

OK, OK, yes I’m laying it on a bit thick – I don’t mean to imply that ALL big city dwellers have to endure ALL these things ALL of the time.  But, over the course of a year you probably do experience at least SOME of this..!   The point I am wanting to make is that in OAeCities you would not have to endure ANY of this at ANY time..!  

   

Aspiring OA-citizens will be interviewed by a panel of well-established citizens, and chosen on the basis of compatibility and their willingness to donate some of their new-found free time to the community.

This is what you could have in OA-Cities

Does this tick all the right boxes for you..?

NOISY NATIONS

The issue of noise and the concept of personal space is very important to me, but not apparently to everyone or every culture.  If you dislike crowds and enjoy peaceful and tranquil settings, as I do, it is very annoying and stressful when a group of loud and over-talkative people suddenly arrive on the scene.  If you cant or don’t want to move away you have to grit your teeth and put up with it since asking them to quieten down creates tension and conflict, and possibly even violence.  In “normal” conversation many Africans almost literally SHOUT at each other, the origin of which is said to be because their tribal chiefs of old suspected hushed talkers of plotting to overthrow him, so loud “talking” was encouraged on pain of death.   Australians also tend to be very loud and raucous especially after a few “tinnies”.  In Asia the Japanese tend to be very quiet and respectful whilst Hong Kongers, and many if not most Chinese, are very loud.  In Europe the further south you go the more voluble people become.  A few years ago in Malta I was using a hotel lobby computer when a group of young Italians burst in and began jabbering very loudly and excitedly to their friend on the computer next to me, which I considered very rude and inconsiderate because computer rooms should be like libraries.   When I asked them to be quiet they looked at me in shock as if I, and NOT THEM, was being rude..!   This is not to say I dislike people from loud-talking cultures but it does mean I probably wouldn’t want them living next door..!

    

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